First, let’s be honest, everyone of us has some crazy desire to be better right? It’s in our womanly DNA to be “better” than every woman before us. This is also every woman marrying a man with kids, but on steroids. We enjoy it when the mother does something wrong and our man criticizes it. We relish in the joy of taking the kids to the water park while their real mom let’s them sit in their room and watch movies. WE ARE COOL and on top of the world.
In small doses, this can be healthy. In large quantities, it can be extremely tumultuous on your relationship and your sanity (ladies, drink your wine and roll your eyes, but you know I’m right.) Be cautious. All of us have things to do, all of us need a sitter at some point, and all of us need help. Be nice to her (again in small doses😂).
I take care of the boys like they are my own, but there is no doubt and certainly not a misunderstanding that they are not mine. I am not their mother. They have a mother and in my case, a good mother. While I disagree with some of the things she does, it does not negate the fact she is a good mother. You can be kind and respectful all while standing your ground. I do it often and I do it well.
Now, after reading the nice “life lesson” above, I can share with you one of many occurrences where I stop and say “What the f***? Really?!?” Before I really get into this, I should say that you as the stepmom think you have it bad sometimes right? You have to deal with your man’s ex, her kids criticizing you, and my personal favorite…when we are in a social setting with the boys and someone says to one of them “Ask your mom” and they can get out “SHE’S NOT MY MOTHER!!!” faster than you can blink. But you are wrong. The men have it the worst. They have to deal with the craziness of the ex, which they already hate (hence the reason for the divorce) and then they have to deal with you and your craziness over him having an ex.
Trevor and his ex-wife have a pretty straight forward parenting plan. One week on/one week off, split child expenses, pick-up/drop-off from school and daycare so they do not have to interact with one another. But there’s always going to be “something”. One of those something’s occurred late one night while Trevor and I were on the couch watching a movie. It’s 10:30 pm and the world was simple and quiet, loving and caring. Until the phone rang. Trevor jumped up as it startled him and looked at his phone to read HER name. He answered it expecting to discuss something important or that something had happened with one of the kids (I mean really? Who calls their ex at 10:30 pm unless it’s an emergency?) She was so loud on the other end that I could hear her without the need for speaker phone. She was half a bottle deep in Costco wine. “I just called to chat” echoed across the room. “We never talk like we used to and I just want us to talk and things.” As my face felt warm and red, I looked at him so he could see the frustration on my face and that even though he didn’t do anything wrong, he was in grave danger for this. He attempted to stop her, but didn’t want to be rude (as to not damage the co-parenting relationship they had built). That was not satisfactory for me. This was the third time something like this had happened and as a true baseball fan…third strike and you are out! The first occurrence was more physical, but he shut that down right away. I lept up and went to my car for a drive so I couldn’t say something I would regret later. After Trevor had a “come to Jesus” talk with her, that was it. We have not had another call since. The attitude fluctuates like a ride on a roller coaster at Silverwood, but the late night calls ended. Dealing is the best word when thinking of “the ex”. We deal with bad days at work, cold temperatures, and the lines to fill our beer growlers, so dealing with this person doesn’t seem so bad….when you put it into perspective.